That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
