Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
