Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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