I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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