omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
