hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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