I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
