Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
