you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
