Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize