Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
