So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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