Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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