and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
