Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
