You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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