Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
