oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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