'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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