and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
