pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
