He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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