Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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