What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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