oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
