my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
