at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
