Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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