On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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