Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
