my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
