chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
