HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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