meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
do herpes really smell.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
