someone threw a dead crab at me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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