I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
