it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
