Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
