you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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