upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
