Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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