I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
