I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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