Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
