Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
