She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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