did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.