Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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