I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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