He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
