two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I supernannyed him into submission
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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