I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.