Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

(703): View more from Virginia

It's the American dream

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(202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb

Replies (31) Good night (4313) Bad night (865)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off

(617): View more from Massachusetts

he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.

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(919): i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off (617): he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich. http://tfl.nu/ubgv

Replies (28) Good night (2771) Bad night (839)
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(208): View more from Idaho

dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

(1-208): View more from Idaho

what the hell does that mean?

(208): View more from Idaho

nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

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(208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o

Replies (26) Good night (2699) Bad night (4072)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

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(859): Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/d01x

Replies (16) Good night (6077) Bad night (1057)
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(315): View more from New York

MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

(315): View more from New York

AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

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(315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!! (315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/witt

Replies (16) Good night (6112) Bad night (1512)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.

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(985): she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out. http://tfl.nu/kfuw

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(847): View more from Illinois

I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face

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(847): I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face http://tfl.nu/ydcz

Replies (13) Good night (4352) Bad night (843)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.

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(508): I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos. http://tfl.nu/pe3o

Replies (9) Good night (3508) Bad night (713)
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(850): View more from Florida

Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?

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(850): Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony? http://tfl.nu/sjtx

Replies (10) Good night (566) Bad night (1020)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...

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(608): Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised... http://tfl.nu/yxma

Replies (1) Good night (1118) Bad night (494)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..

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(505): Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore.. http://tfl.nu/qq6k

Replies (8) Good night (1236) Bad night (650)
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(760): View more from California

You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.

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(760): You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral. http://tfl.nu/a5j3

Replies (4) Good night (1251) Bad night (445)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS

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(978): I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS http://tfl.nu/o0md

Replies (2) Good night (1105) Bad night (500)
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(619): View more from California

I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!

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(619): I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends! http://tfl.nu/6jqq

Replies (5) Good night (534) Bad night (820)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.

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(832): I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too. http://tfl.nu/amfi

Replies (7) Good night (983) Bad night (350)

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