I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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