mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.