How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted