She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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