just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
