is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
