I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
