youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
