I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
