we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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