I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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