In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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