i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
