i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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