New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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