never play flip cup with pint glasses
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
