At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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