im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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