grandma shit on top of the toilet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What a dumb baby whore.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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