im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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