never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
