Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
