I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
