nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
