and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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