I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
