i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
