Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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